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My dear lover, in this blog post we’re going to talk about masturbation when you’re in a relationship. A subject about which there are some differences of opinion. It may be sensitive for you or your lover, but I am here to help you out.
Let’s get started, shall we?
Why Masturbate in a Relationship?
Note: For this blog post our team interviewed 70 people between 24-66 years of age that have or had an intimate relationship for their opinion. Of these 70 people, 32 were women and 38 men. We realize that 70 people is not a realistic reflection of the total world population by any means, but we hope that this will still give you an idea.
But if you have a healthy relationship, you don’t have to masturbate, right? You couldn’t be more wrong.
And no, it doesn’t always have anything to do with the quality of your relationship or your sex life, dear.
So, why do we want to masturbate when we’re in a relationship?
Fulfilling One’s Needs
Despite having a good relationship and a wonderful sex life, it’s still likely that you and your partner feel the need to masturbate. Don’t worry, you’re not alone there. A lot of partners do!
Most people feel the need for masturbation from an early age. And for most people that won’t change once they are in a committed relationship. Though it will probably decrease thanks to a great sex life, we found that the need for masturbation remains regardless of their relationship status.
Besides, it’s not unusual to have sexual desires that cannot be fulfilled by your partner. In the opinion of our respondents, masturbation wasn’t a substitute for intimacy or a replacement for sex. Just some pleasure for themselves.
Difference in Libido
If you and your lover have different sex drives, then masturbation can be a solution. It is not uncommon in intimate relationships that one person has a greater desire for sex than the other. There may be several reasons for this:
- Natural difference in libido.
- Psychological issues.
- Health issues.
- Sexual dysfunction.
- Period.
- Pregnancy.
Masturbation is then a practical solution and a healthy outlet to give in to your sexual excitement.
You can get off while your lover does not feel pressured to do something against their will.
Quote from Michael: “My girlfriend didn’t want to have sex anymore for a while, but my desires remained. I masturbated a lot then.”
Partner not Available
That seems familiar: You really want to get laid, but your partner isn’t there right now. Why wait? Give in to your horniness and then masturbate. You can make it more kinky by fantasizing about your partner and sharing your experiences with your partner afterward.
Relationship Improvement
It may sound a bit contradictory, but self-satisfaction can contribute to more sexual intimacy within a relationship:
- Mood enhancer: Masturbation is all about yourself! Now you can do and discover for yourself what you like, without taking your lover into account. Watch, read, or fantasize about that kink or fetish that your partner doesn’t like or know about! Indulge in this private activity and give yourself the O-moment. And once you feel good about yourself, this will contribute to your relationship with your partner.
- Sexual excitement: When you are having sex, you both want to enjoy it right? So, why don’t allow yourself and your loved one some quality time alone? It can be quite exciting to know that your partner masturbates. Share both your fantasies and experiences and notice how your sex life improves.
It is also a nice stepping stone to mutual masturbation, something that several ladies indicated they would like to do.
Those are the reasons why people masturbate when they are in a relationship. Therefore, in our opinion and according to most of our respondents, it is normal to masturbate when you’re in a relationship.
Is Masturbating While In a Relationship “Cheating”?
Some people think differently and we will not leave that undiscussed. Only 2 respondents indicated that they do not masturbate at all. And 1 married woman considers masturbation of her husband a form of cheating. As to why she said:
“The idea of my husband wanking while he might be thinking about someone else is a way of cheating, which is unpalatable to me. I think it’s doing more harm than good to our relationship.”
I had the following response to that: First of all, everyone is entitled to whatever opinion he or she has!
But the way I see it: “As long as no other person is involved, there can be no question of cheating.”
Provided that masturbation of your lover does not ensure your sex life does not suffer from it, it is often one’s lack of trust and insecurity that can cause people to have difficulty with masturbation of their lover.
It is very normal for people to fantasize about other people sexually. As long as it stays that way, there’s nothing to worry about.
How to Masturbate in a Relationship?
Now that you know that masturbation is very normal and why there’s still a need within a relationship, you can understand that it should not be a problem!
The methods of masturbating are not much different than if you were single, but it might be awkward if your partner unexpectedly catches you masturbating. Therefore I would still like to share several suggestions with you:
Discuss masturbation in your relationship
This is most likely the best advice I have for you, especially if you suffer from aversion or feelings of guilt. Discuss the subject of masturbation with your loved one:
- Be honest with each other about your sexual needs.
- Discuss how self-pleasure can enrich your relationship.
- Talk about how masturbation fits into your relationship.
You will notice that if you do this, masturbation will be considered normal within your relationship.
Places to Masturbate
If you want to masturbate, you should of course do so in a suitable place. You should aim for a room or space where you can relax undisturbed. The most obvious places are:
- Bedroom.
- Bathroom.
- Toilet.
Most of our respondents, both men and women, indicated that they prefer to masturbate in bed. It is striking that many men had no problem jerking off while their partner was sleeping next to them. Women, on the other hand, prefer to masturbate when their partner is not around.
Besides the bedroom, many people preferred the bathroom and toilet for their pleasure sessions.
Finally, a small number of men have indicated that they masturbate in the study or home office while watching porn.
Time to Masturbate
Timing is everything, they say. If you are single this aspect doesn’t matter much, but when you’re in a relationship it certainly does!
Most prefer to masturbate in bed just before going to sleep. A small minority likes to masturbate in the early morning upon waking, either in bed or in the bathroom. And just over half of the ladies only want to indulge in self-gratification when their partner and children are away from home.
Masturbation Frequency
You may wonder what is a healthy level of masturbation when you’re in a relationship. There is no clear answer to this. It is very personal. The respondents’ answers varied widely: From a maximum of one to frequent masturbation per week. As long as there is no masturbation addiction and your relationship does not suffer from it, it doesn’t matter.
Masturbation in a Relationship: Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Is masturbating cheating when you are in a relationship?
In our opinion definitely not. Sure, it just depends on what you mean by cheating within your relationship. But since, there is no sexual contact with another person and you’re enjoying yourself on your own there can be no cheating.
I masturbate even though I have a partner. I feel guilty, what now?
I can tell you that you don’t have to feel guilty because there’s no need to feel ashamed at all. But that probably won’t help you because you feel the way you feel. Listen carefully to your feelings and maybe you will find out where your shame comes from. It doesn’t even have to be your own belief, but you could also have picked it up from other people.
My advice is not to suppress your desires and discuss “masturbation” with your partner. And if it still bothers you, please seek help!
Conclusion
Masturbation is a normal and healthy aspect of human sexuality. Even in a relationship, it is very common.
By masturbating you could explore your desires or bridge the gap between the difference in libido in your relationship. And you could practice self-gratification when your partner is not around and use it as a tool to promote greater intimacy and sexual satisfaction within your relationship.
However, it’s important to practice open communication with your partner and then choose the right spot and timing. Embracing self-pleasure as a natural part of your sexual health can lead to a more satisfying and enjoyable intimate life.
