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Yes, masturbation! Nothing to be ashamed of, right? There are a lot of people who are and you might be one of them. And those feelings of guilt often appear after your happy moment, making the joy short-lived.
Where are those nasty feelings coming from while you just had some fun and is it possible to get rid of them? That’s what we’re going to talk about in this blog post.
Read on to learn why you should stop feeling guilty after your mesmerizing orgasms!
Guilt or Shame
When it comes to masturbation people often speak of guilt and shame. In everyday language, these words are often used interchangeably, but according to scientists, ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ are two different things. And among scientists, there are also different interpretations of both words.
However, in general, you could say that ‘guilt’ is the feeling of remorse or self-blame about your actions or inactions, and ‘shame’ is about the way you view yourself as an individual.
About masturbation, in my view, ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ are an extension of each other: You may feel guilt after the act of masturbation, because of ‘bad behavior’. But it may also be that you are ashamed because you consider yourself a pervert or a sexual being.
It doesn’t matter much for this blog post, because whether you have a sense of guilt or feel intense shame it’s about the unpleasant feeling(s) that arise after you’ve masturbated.
Since masturbation is an act, I will talk mostly about ‘guilt’ in the rest of this article instead of ‘shame’.
Why Do You Feel Guilty After Masturbation
Before we can talk about possible solutions, it is important to first know where your guilt comes from.
Educational and Social Values
There has been an atmosphere of taboo surrounding sex and therefore also self-satisfaction since time immemorial.
It is most likely your feelings of guilt that arise after masturbation are rooted in your childhood and picked up from other people. And that often starts with parenting and education. From an early age, you are taught not to touch yourself, especially not your genitals.
As a child, you’re probably told and warned by your parents and school about menstruation, STDs, and pregnancies, but that is often it. Have they also told you how great and enjoyable sex can be? Probably not.
Almost all people do it sooner or later and it is the source of our existence. And what is masturbation? Yes, a normal and pleasurable part of human sexuality.
Yet around the world, in almost every society, sexuality in general is usually considered as something filthy and dirty. You bet that societal and cultural influences play a significant role in shaping your beliefs and attitudes towards sexuality.
Many societies and religions have historically placed shame and guilt on sexual pleasure and self-exploration. Moreover, many religions view masturbation as a sinful act and promote abstinence outside of marriage.
That makes talking about sex, even today, often a taboo. Let alone watching, reading, and listening to and experiencing sex, which makes people think or say you are a pervert.
In short, these are all imprints that make you feel guilty from an early age when it comes to sex. Even now that you are an adult, you are carrying these imprints unconsciously with you.
But you still feel the need to masturbate, right? So, what happens after your orgasm? That little voice in the back of your head tells you that “you shouldn’t have done that”, even though you have started to consciously think differently about the subject of masturbation.
Overwhelming Horniness
Horniness can strike suddenly. Sometimes at the most awkward moments and unexpected times. And one of the best ways to stop it is to have an orgasm. And what is the most effective way to have an orgasm? Yes dear, masturbation!
And when you have had your orgasm, you may well feel guilty. You don’t understand why you were so horny in the first place and why you need to masturbate all of a sudden. You could have used your time better, right? I know that all too well.
Quote from Marc: “When I’m stressed I sometimes get horny. Then I jerk and when I have had an orgasm I feel guilty.”
The Way You Masturbate
It’s also possible that you feel guilty after masturbation because of the way you aroused your horniness:
- The way you masturbate is very personal. It is possible that you’re feeling guilt because of your masturbation methods. Trust me, you are not the only one who tried or wants to try a new method of masturbation or owns a sex toy.
- Everything is possible in your imagination and perhaps you have fantasized about a sexual situation that you would never want to experience in real life.
- Or maybe you’ve read a kinky story or watched some porn that you’re ashamed of.
Masturbate in a Relationship
You may also feel guilty after masturbating because you are in a relationship. When you’re in a relationship another component comes into play: Namely, your partner, with whom you also have sex. We have dedicated an entire article to this. You can read it here.
5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty
As you have read, there are different reasons why you might feel guilty after masturbation. On the other hand, there are also reasons why you shouldn’t feel guilty. Let me share them with you:
Normal and Healthy
First of all, accept the fact that you’re a sexual being with needs and feelings. The need for sex is as normal as the need to eat, sleep, and go to the toilet. Sex is still the main reason for our survival as humans. And like I mentioned, masturbation is a part of your sexuality and it’s completely normal.
But what about those people who say otherwise? Well, that’s their opinion and not yours. You are within your right to have your own views.
Besides the fact that masturbation is normal it comes with numerous health benefits:
- It is a great stress reliever
- It can enhance your mood
- It can help improve blood circulation
- Promotes better sleep
- Boosts your immune system
- If you’re a woman it may alleviate menstrual cramps
- If you’re a man it seems to reduce the risk of prostate cancer
That’s what I call ‘killing several birds with one stone’! What more could you ask for? So why should you feel guilty?
It’s Private
The fact remains that a lot of people masturbate during their life. Yes, even your parents and most likely that good gentleman or lady too whom you thought never did.
That you would rather not know is something else. Take comfort: they probably don’t want to know it from you either.
And that’s completely fine. Do you also openly tell everyone that you had a great time shitting on the toilet? I hope not, and why not?
Because it’s private and you should and would rather keep it to yourself. And just because it’s private doesn’t mean you have to be embarrassed. The same goes for masturbation. Keep it to yourself and it’s nobody else’s business!
Empowers Body Positivity
Masturbation is a surefire tool for dealing with body shame and sexual shame. Why? Well, it allows you to embrace and accept your body as it is by enabling you to develop a positive relationship with your own body and appreciate its unique beauty and capabilities.
By taking the time to pleasure yourself, you are celebrating your sexuality and reinforcing body positivity, regardless of religious background, societal beliefs about masturbation, or beauty standards.
Gain Sexual Confidence
Engaging in masturbation can help boost your sexual confidence. Explore your own body find out what pleases you and become more aware of your sexual desires, fantasies, and needs.
Take your time and you may discover that there is more to you than just your genitals. Caress your lips, stomach, buttocks, and thighs, and feel the sensations.
See your solo session as an adventure with yourself and experiment happily with different positions, sex toys, and techniques. This way you will discover what turns you on most. Your gained knowledge and experiences will always be useful in your future sex life.
Your Moment of Pleasure
It’s also called self-gratification for a reason! Consider masturbation as a form of pleasure in your life. Just like playing sports, enjoying your favorite food, having a cup of tea or coffee, or playing games.
Do you also feel guilty afterward about those things? Most likely not and you really shouldn’t. So the next time you have a sense of guilt, tell yourself that you had fun and enjoyed yourself.
Less Risk Involved
Having sex can be fantastic, but it is of course not without risks. Masturbation, on the other hand, doesn’t give you STDs, or unwanted pregnancy, you won’t have to deal with any discomfort and no one will cross your boundaries.
And at the same time, you do not harm anyone else. In short, you have done yourself and your fellow (wo-)man a service.
4 Tips To Stop Feeling Guilty After Masturbation
But what do you do when you experience feelings of guilt after masturbation and you can’t get rid of them, despite the rational reasons I just gave you? Your feelings are your feelings and I cannot change that. At most, I can give you advice that will hopefully make you feel better.
Therefore, if you feel guilty about a stormy solo sex session, here are some tips that I want to share with you to tackle that guilt and feelings of shame:
Tell Yourself: You Did Great
Say again? Yes, you did great! Has that ever been said to you? Probably, but most likely not after you’ve masturbated.
To break free from your deeply ingrained beliefs about masturbation, you should embrace a more understanding and accepting mindset towards sex and self-pleasure.
Read and re-read the rational reasons that I mentioned above for you. And after you’ve masturbated tell yourself with compassion that you have indeed done a good thing!
Get On with Your Day
The less you give yourself the chance to think things over, the better. First, do the things you should do after masturbation, such as cleaning up and leaving no traces. Then continue with what you wanted to do. You will then automatically get into the rhythm of another activity and you will soon lose the feelings that come up after you’ve masturbated.
Say Stop to Yourself
Feelings are always accompanied by thoughts. And as strange as it may sound, you can put a stop to your thoughts. So next time those unpleasant thoughts and feelings of guilt after masturbation come back to you, literally say ‘STOP’ to yourself. And focus on the things you do want to experience. Try to feel the fantastic feeling of the orgasm again and enjoy it.
It will be difficult for you the first few times, but you will notice that as you do this consistently, your unpleasant feelings will arise less often.
Seek Help or Support
As I mentioned, I cannot change the way you feel after masturbation. I can give you advice and that’s about it. But if your feelings of guilt are so strong that they mar your (sex)life in a way that it becomes severe, I recommend that you seek help from a professional.
Conclusion
As we have discussed, there are several reasons why you might feel guilt after masturbation, including societal, cultural, and personal factors. However, it’s important to realize that masturbation is a natural and healthy part of human sexuality so there are many reasons why you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
I hope the four tips I’ve shared have helped you reframe your thoughts and eliminate feelings of guilt. When you understand the normalcy of masturbation, challenge negative beliefs, practice self-compassion, and seek support whenever you need to, you will work towards a healthier and more positive perspective.
Remember, it’s very important to prioritize your well-being by embracing your sexuality and enjoying the positive aspects of self-pleasure without any guilt or shame.
